My phone is on “do not disturb” for most of the day. The volume button has been shifted to “off”. The app icons do not have little red bubbles telling me how many items I’ve missed. I never see a banner message with a Gmail preview, and I uninstalled Outlook long before I left my job. My wrist does not buzz with any incoming transmissions. I try to use my phone when I need something from it, not when it needs something from me.
This is how I began to live “notifications off.” It started as a coping mechanism for feeling overwhelmed but has turned into a life philosophy.
Over the last decade, my work email volume gradually ticked up as I took on more responsibility and more advisees. When we moved from using one social media outlet on a browser to accessing many on our phones every day, the number of channels we could be accessed through grew and grew. And perceptions of speed changed – if you could get an instant reply via text or social media, why couldn’t email be the same way? My first experience with Slack nearly broke me – in my volunteer life, there was always something I missed.
Responding to every electronic ping vying for my attention became impossible. Each day felt like a race to respond, a race I lost constantly. I felt deep guilt when I missed a text or left an email sitting for more than a day. I took my inability to keep up as an indication of my capability to handle my life. Constant electronic reminders of failure.
From my yoga practice and work in mindfulness, I knew subconsciously that this was no way to live. But it was how everyone else was living, so what was my major malfunction? Thankfully there was a single quote and moment that struck me during my first semester of MAPP, thanks to Dr. James Pawelski:
“My experience is what I agree to attend to.” (William James, Principles of Psychology, p. 380)
It captured something that had been eating at me, a question that sat just below the surface… why does it feel like I have little control over the content of my existence? I usually was not consciously choosing the direction of my attention. Instagram notification – check who liked, but then spend an indeterminate amount of time scrolling through nothingness. Outlook notification – attend to non-urgent email just to avoid a “bump” the next day. Often that email would send me into an emotional and stress spiral that had no place in my evening or weekend, interrupting personal relationships and quality time… this is a normal occurrence for modern workers, but does it need to be? Who is in charge of my time – me or someone else? Worst of all, the constant reactivity felt productive but left no time for deep thought, real connection, and learning.
What if the problem is not my ability to keep up, but instead where I choose to put my attention, what I prioritize? What if these attention grabbing messages didn’t actually matter? It was never possible to get to every email, message, and notification – finally I understood that was okay. Preferable even. By cutting off the constant triggers for attention, I can have a lot more control over my lived experience. I am done letting technology dictate the contents of my consciousness.
This has become a core part of my values system – it’s become a battle cry and a grounding notion. Missing notifications doesn’t mean cutting folks off or ignoring responsibilities. It generally makes for deeper connections, thoughtful replies, and showing up fully without distraction. It means I no longer measure my worth and effectiveness by the number of messages I was able to attend to.
It feels countercultural at times, but there has been a growing movement and research around technology, attention, and well-being. This post is the first in a series about the “culture of urgency,” I will share my experiences with unplugging and some of my favorite research and resources around the topic. Topics will include urgency culture, the tyranny of email, hustle culture, productivity culture, digital minimalism, and more.
So, I live notifications off. Do I miss things? Absolutely. Do I feel more in control of my lived experience? Absolutely.
Thinking about the content of your life, what moments are you experiencing? What are you choosing and what is being chosen for you? I would love to hear about how you set boundaries around technology!
My current inspiration: Charles Duhigg on Habits and Productivity, on Dare to Lead with Brené Brown. It’s a different take, one that focuses on the importance of deep thought for productivity. I particularly love the discussion around discernment, the incredible power in being able to discern what is important and what is not.
