I have had the task of writing a blog post about leaving social media on my Asana for months – probably as long as I’ve left social media the task has been there. I’m not exactly sure what the block has been, but I’m starting to understand that I’m afraid of going back to social media. There’s some trepidation about social comparison, but it’s much more about contending with my own lack of self-control. It has been a relief to disconnect, to be willfully removed from the constant churn and the feeling that I have to know what’s going on at all times. It’s truly impossible to pay attention to everything, and being off social media has relieved any pressure or expectation that I should be able to.

I’ve been most interested in research, especially that of Cal Newport, that not responding to email and social media makes us feel as though we are neglecting relationships, even if we can cognitively tell ourselves that it’s okay if we respond later. As Newport details in his recent work, we take relationships very seriously but simply cannot keep up with the number of communications and notifications we receive. I have another post in the works specifically about notifications, email, and attention. But let’s stick to the topic of social media for now.

One benefit of being off social media is that my obsessive phone checking – which has gone down overall – has shifted to what I would consider more positive and productive ways. So in my morning routine, I’m looking at the New York Times – as much as I shouldn’t be looking at my phone in bed first thing for extended periods of time – when I do, it’s generally checking up on the news. Not doom scrolling (not that I begrudge it, it’s exactly how social media is designed, to keep our attention in this way), but I do feel like I have a better understanding of what’s going on in the world than I did previously. Next step is to move towards looking at multiple sources. I also have a much better understanding of the weather than I did previously… it’s embarrassing how not prepared I was to go outdoors most days, especially in the before times when I did consistently leave the house.

Going back online

The worst part about not being on social media is that I’m missing cute pictures of my friends kids, and their pets, their travels, and the interesting things that they’re doing. I’m thinking about how necessary it has become to be on social media in order to keep up with people. It makes me sad – I feel like we should be texting and communicating outside of social media. But I also understand that social media is what most people have come to use for connection and it is more efficient and vibrant in so many ways. It’s not an indictment of my friendships – it’s just how folks are communicating these days. So one of my goals is to limit my friend list and my posting to people I would actually text and communicate with in the real world, instead of voyeuristically looking at what people are doing, people who I would not ever text or reach out to in real life.

I also think I can use the “close friends” function on Instagram to post more updates to folks I’m actually close to. I’ve seen this functionality used in powerful ways be several of my friends. I’m not an oversharer, I don’t love posting on social media. My whole feed is running, skylines, HOBY, and positive psychology, and not really personal updates about myself. But I think I can use this functionality in a more productive and connective way.

What is ultimately convincing me to head back to social media is my desire to find and share ideas. As I’ve been developing my website and blog, I knew at some point social media would need to come back into my life to get my ideas out there and to connect and interact with other folks who are thinking through the same types of questions. And ultimately, I have to put trust in myself that I have changed my habits and relationships with social media, have changed some of the pathways in my brain so that I can more effectively resist social media’s attention pull.

So, now that spring is upon us and I head back to my first in-person NACADA (Global Community for Academic Advising) conference since fall 2019 (yay!), I’m getting back online – somewhat. I’m thrilled to have folks checking out my yoga videos and blog posts, and I can’t wait for all the cute kid and pet photos (and to share photos of Minnie). I’ll see you online sometimes… and hopefully in real life soon!