The last few weeks have been marked by loss. Delayed mourning of my aunt who passed in February which my family was finally able to celebrate. The passing of a kind and wonderful former colleague who was taken from us too soon. Colleagues leaving. I wrote a few weeks ago about our capacity to shift our thoughts. What does shifting our thoughts mean or matter in extreme external conditions?
I taught a workshop during Yoga Habit’s yoga teacher training (YTT) focused on “Teaching Yoga to Beginners.” It was my first time ever teaching a YTT workshop, and my first time teaching this subject in particular. Fittingly, I had to bring my beginner’s mindset even as the perceived “expert” in this situation.
One of the prevailing messages of the workshop is that the more I experience, the less I pretend to fully know. I can only share and react based on my experience and the small corners of human knowledge I have explored.
What does this have to do with loss? Maybe that there’s no one way to process it, no particular way that we are expected to lead through it. All we can strive for is to do the best we can in the moment facing us, with the information we have at a particular time. And do our best to stay generous, humble, and graceful in response to what others are processing, too. Not to say that I have been riding these waves with ease. I have felt sad, angry, and lost. And have certainly said things that were not generous or grateful. But I am trying, and most of all I am not pretending I have all the answers.
Through my work with Heights Philadelphia, I connected with a Bodine high school student for an informational interview about positive psychology. She asked me “what role do gratitude and joy play in positive psychology?” I shared a bit of the extensive research on gratitude… joy gave me pause. I hesitated because I don’t want the student to pigeonhole joy into one expression or context. It’s a both/and situation. We can cultivate quiet joy in the most difficult moments.
Even as I moved through grief, my most recent yoga class was about joy. Our physical postures in yoga can be quite challenging, yet we notice where we have grown, where we feel powerful, where we feel curious. Joy doesn’t have to be high energy or all encompassing.
To be clear, I am not arguing that a sudden job loss can be fixed with a shift in mindset, or that the three good things exercise will bring back our lost loved ones. But if we want to show up for colleagues, friends, and family members in these times of grief, it behooves us to find ways to keep ourselves whole.
During my aunt’s celebration of life, our lifelong friend and celebrant urged us to keep my aunt with us by living with the kindness and joy she demonstrated in her life. I’ll do what I can to keep honoring her in that way.
A Small Idea
In a recent NY times newsletter, about experiencing the Aurora Borealis: “We don’t have to understand something to experience it.” This feels particularly resonant in this time of loss.
The Thing I Can’t Figure Out
For as scheduled as I love to be, I really struggle keeping a routine. I’ve had some good streaks, but recent demands and uncertainty have made it tough. As I sit on the precipice of 43, this feels like something I should have figured out by now.
The Musical I’m Writing
In a recent musical improv class, I got to represent a spoon. My chorus of “I’mmmmmmm gonna scoop you!” was both really fun to sing in a fugue and stuck in Dixon’s head. I love it.
Humans Being Awesome
I went to my local brewery this Saturday to sip and get some admin work done. And a couple brought their adorable cat in a stroller – he’s got a terminal tumor and they are giving him a bucket list of experiences. Gotta love a house cat on an adventure.
Okay… so how do I actually do this?
I have been leaning back into one of the most tried and true positive psychology practices – the three good things exercise. Sometimes I write them in my journal, sometimes on the bus in my phone, sometimes as I debrief the day with Dixon. Learn how to do it on Greater Good in Action’s site.
